Sunday, April 22, 2012
Love... Is A Many Fucked Up Thing
Panic overwhelms. Furtively we try to tamp it down with attempts at logic. Oh love. What a tired bullshit game you are. How can we as people intentionally let ourselves love something that is not good for us? How can we miss it when it's gone? How could we possibly want the the destruction in our lives? And that's what love is. It's a slow, painful destruction of one's self. Let's face it, loneliness is a void; one of which everyone desperately tries to fill. And we do. We fill it with people who have huge voids of their own and to what purpose? To pull the heart strings of the weave that make us who we are as people? To make us rethink and ignore lessons we've learned life times ago? To make us foolishly believe that everything will be okay? The fact of the matter is, nothing will ever be okay. Because our own perceptions of okay will never match anyone else and wrapping yourself around someone else and their idea of okay will forever make you feel inadequate or make you feel like a failure. And we give our all. We give our all to someone else that most likely will never appreciate who we truly are and what we are on the inside. How can we ever possibly begin to see someone for what they really are when we don't even take care of who we are? We throw our very essence at people who promise to love and cherish us and never take us for granted when we should be guarding ourselves with fanatic fear. Trust no one. Be suspicious of all because in this tired bullshit game of love and life EVERYONE has their own agenda. EVERYONE. And we will stop at nothing to fill that void including trying to rip the life force out of the people we supposedly love and cherish. And how is that love? How is loving someone that doesn't even love us like we love ourselves even remotely worth it? How can we love someone that plants seeds of doubt into ourselves? Those that truly love would never do that to someone because making someone doubt themselves is worse than a major head injury. Lesson learned. Lesson carved into the brain and internally bleeding because falling isn't the problem. The problem is not having the strength to get back up and dust yourself off because someone has attempted to destroy who you really are inside. Strength comes from the personal confidence that no matter what you'll always have your version of okay and if that version does not include being okay with yourself you're screwed the second they open the gate.
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