Sunday, April 22, 2012
The Point
I hate this world. I hate the people in it. I hate how people are to each other. I hate watching people have kids with people they don't stay with. (Yes this includes me). I hate how it seems people can't work things out with people they love. I hate people who hold grudges and bring up the past and hold pasts against people. And most of all I hate the fact that people don't know what they have until it's gone because it's complete and utter bullshit not to appreciate what you have when you have it. I've finally realized in my old age (ha) that you can't change the past. And the past is what eats people alive... makes people fear the future and that fear effects your entire life and relationships you have with other people. I hate that in this world loving someone just isn't enough. Love is supposed to conquer all. Love is supposed to make everything better not worse. Love is supposed to produce empathy for others and make us help each other. But that just doesn't happen. We turn our backs on people we shouldn't out of fear. We use people we shouldn't out of selfishness. And we make light of things we most certainly shouldn't. This world has made it okay for relationships to fall apart. This world has us believe that we're not allowed to hurt and that we're allowed to just throw away commitments because really, who cares? There will be others. Well that statement disgusts me. There's other fish in the sea. This too shall pass. You'll fall in love with someone else. Blah blah blah. Love shouldn't just be thrown around like that. It's become a casual word and there should be nothing casual about it. It should be devastating to lose because it should be something beautiful. Not something you should just be able to give to someone else. Committing to someone is awful hard work but it should be. It shouldn't just be something tossed to the way side. I hate that this world has taught me to just drop things and move on. Frankly I just can't do it anymore. I'm so sick and tired of having a defense mechanism that makes me throw things away. And I'm sick and tired of not being in control of it because it ruins everything. It ruins wonderful things. And it ruins people. It's ruined me. I'll never take anything or anyone for granted again because that's what's wrong with our society. We've become too fast paced and okay with the fact that things just "don't work out". Fuck that. Things don't work out because fear stops us from putting in the effort we should have. The effort to shut our damn mouths once and a while and listen to each other. And no one is more guilty of that than me. I was taught to guard your heart. I don't want to do that anymore. Guarding yourself makes you not give yourself and if you're not going to give the wonderful gifts you were given what the hell is the point of doing anything. I just can't figure out the point of anything. But I am no longer scared of reckless abandon. Because sometimes it's just worth losing yourself in someone because quite frankly you're never going to know the true outcome of something if you don't feel like you gave your all.
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